On Staging a Sandal Intervention
Hello our dear, sweet Flip Flops,
Thanks for taking the time to read this. We thought we’d start easy—because what we have to say isn’t going to be, well, easy. So first, thank you for just reading this. When you’re done with this letter, please join us in the living room. All of us: Bootsy, Mr. Sneakers, Ms. Dressy Shoes.
So, what’s this about? Well, we love you and if you don’t change, something else will have to change.
We’ve been through a lot together – all of us – so we’re going to speak honestly.
We’ve noticed that you’ve been hanging around the closet more than you used to. It’s not that we don’t love having you around. No one else can tell a good adventure story like you can! Bootsy has done some sweet mountain trips, but he only gets out every so often.
You used to be out EVERY day of the summer. You were the first to get packed for a trip to the beach, the first pulled out for errands around town and the only shoes that ever get to go to a barbeque. Truth be told, we’re all a little jealous of how much action you see. At the same time, we understand. You’re cool, easy-going and comfy. Who wouldn’t want you around?
Here’s comes the hard part, Flips. All of us are beginning to worry that your days are numbered. Just a few weeks ago, you came back to the closet with a dramatic toss. Obviously, we were all concerned that you’d thrown a strap or delaminated or something tragic. No, buddy. You were in one – well, technically – two pieces.
Then it hit us… literally. You smell terrible! You reek! You stink!
It seemed to happen almost overnight. First, you came back from the pool earlier than expected. Word on the street was that you never even made to the water. We’re not accusing you of anything, Flippy, but you know how the other shoes love to talk. Most of us have been around this closet a long time and we’ve seen too many flip flops leave before their time. Don’t have your last adventure be a trip to the dump, Flipper.
Bootsy has lasted as long as he has because every time he gets a little tired, he signals by allowing a little water through his skin. Voila! A little wax-like stuff and one massage later, he’s rejuvenated. Bootsy lives to hike another year!
Here’s what you need to do, otherwise it’s sayonara summer shoes. Beg for Nikwax Sandal Wash. You’ve made the first step to admitting there’s a problem by wafting your odor at completely unexpected times. If you push the stench thing too hard, Sandal Wash can still get you out of trouble, but the head that goes along with your beloved feet may be hesitant to attempt to save you.
It’ll tickle a little, but it’s worth it. First you’ll take a warm shower. Then the hands that go along with your beloved feet will rub some Sandal Wash all over you. It feels like a nice loofah scrub at a Scandinavian spa or something. Another quick rinse and you’ve just guaranteed yourself another summer of fun. Plus, the closet will be a much nicer place without you stinkin’ up the joint.
We love you enough to tell you this, Flips, so we hope you love yourself enough to be part of the solution.
The size 9 gang